And Then Came Emma
When Farnoosh Brock invited me to browse her latest article, The Path to Fulfillment: To Have or Not to Have Children, I was at first very hesitant. As you’ll discover below, I’m very uncomfortable around children and I have a difficult time feigning excitement about the subject. But as I began reading, I was consumed with her passion and logic related to this life altering decision.
In my life, I have wished for a million things, I have dreamt a thousand dreams; I have pursued hundreds of passions and goals and yet, never for a serious minute in all of my fantastic 30 plus years have I wished to have a child.
How do you convince yourself not to fear something, which your whole being warns you against? How can you think of it as a natural phenomena when in all logic and rationale, it sounds abnormal and monumental? How do you embrace these challenges and calm your fears?
There is no easy answer but my point is this: there are sacrifices for every choice we make in life and my only aim is to make a conscious and honest choice when it comes to the ultimate decisions which forever change the course of my life.
I’ve upset my wife on more than one occasion with my disdain for children. I think that newborn babies are ugly. In fact, my sister-in-law (my brother’s wife) has been upset at me on more than one occasion for expressing how I felt about her ugly newborns.
Children are bratty, snot-nosed inconveniences. The way they want to play and get into things doesn’t jive with my lifestyle of reading, studying, working and growing. Their loud, obnoxious presence is like nails on a chalk board.
My friends show me pictures of their children and only out of dutiful, society-dictated courtesy, I smile and respond positively toward them. Yet inside, I can’t help but think that their kids are nothing more than undisciplined hooligans.
And then came Emma.
I was hesitant about having children. I’m sure that after reading the first few paragraphs you can understand my feelings on this. But Diane, my wife, wanted children and since I love her more than anything, it was no sacrifice at all to oblige her.
When she was born something strange happened. I still felt the same way I always felt about children, yet somehow Emma became an unwritten exception to my disdain.
Now I’m the one boring others with pictures of my little angel. I’m the one bragging about how smart my girl is. I enjoy picking her up, spinning her around in circles or tickling her and listening to her squeal. We wrestle around on the floor and we smile and we laugh together.
I don’t have a logical answer for you. I don’t have some sage advice. I can’t compete with the rhetoric in your post. I simply can’t. I don’t know how.
All I can do is attempt to express how I feel.
Nicholas Z. Cardot
P.S. Want to see a picture of my daughter?
Farnoosh
Nicholas, I am so touched you dedicated an entire post to your response to my post – a true testament to you as a loving and proud Daddy! Emma is one lucky girl and you are a dear friend who shared his feelings and outlook on children and babies oh so openly. Thank you!!!
mark
Hi Nick,
I think that this is actually fairly common. I know that kids can be an annoyance if you have no vested interest in them.
For example, I was seeing a movie with an old friend a few weeks ago and a child started screaming in the middle of a quiet, but important scene.
My friend, who has two children who I know she adores, turned to the people with child and said something rather rude about the child.
At that time, my friend had no feelings toward that particular kid. If it had been hers, I think she would have thought first about her love and responsibility for the child, and then about the noise.
If that isn’t the case, then I would think that more children would go into Walmart than come out. Really, that place is crazy.
Anyway, thanks for sharing this.
Have a good day!
Judi
Nicholas, I was the oldest of seven children so I never wanted any of my own. Oh No. But then I turned 30 and my clock went off. Thank goodness biology is an amazing thing. And I loved my children more than anything and couldn’t imagine my life without them. I have a 25 year old daughter and a 23 yr. old son. They are both wonderful people and I like them as well as love them. Now my stepson and daughter-in-law are expecting a baby in August and I am afraid I have that same blah baby reaction. I am not a grandmotherly type. So it will be interesting to see what happens. I know when my kids have babies I will be beside myself but still not the typical grandmother. Glad you have your Emma.
Graham Lutz
I have 3 kids under 3 – which is completely nuts – and people are always saying things like “you must LOVE kids!” My reply has always been, “”I hate kids. I love MY kids. MY kids are awesome. Kids are awful.”
I totally agree with you!